So this last week or so has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. There have been ups and there have been downs and now I’m left feeling both deflated, tired and to be honest just a little spent.
Several weeks ago now, I applied for a job for a Catering Assistant at a Private School in Lincoln. I didn’t really expect to hear back from them as I don’t really have a huge amount of experience, but luckily I was emailed about a set of informal interviews that were taking place a couple of weeks ago. Though I have a job, this one meant only school time hours as well as only school term weeks. This is my ultimate goal since I have two young children still and I don’t really want to spend every school holiday working. I headed along to one of the informal interview sessions (there were two being held) and filled in the application form, chatted with the people who were interviewing and observed my other four members of competition. I left convinced I stood no chance in getting any further, given there was still another informal interview session to go, probably with another five or so attending that.
However at the tail end of that week, I was emailed to say they were struggling to narrow it down and instead were asking people to come in and work a couple of hours, over a lunch time, so they could see how well we did. I offered myself up for either Wednesday or Thursday of the following week (last week) and was told Wednesday was best.
It was a hectic sort of a week, with my other job every other day, my youngest daughter being ill from school a couple of days, sorting out an old car and a new car, along with the usual every day issues. The day of my actual interview I spent taking my eldest daughter to school, followed by my youngest to the doctors, then heading to my sisters house where my mum was (more about that in a minute), then to my two hour interview, then to see my partner for lunch, back to my sisters house with my mum, then to get my eldest from school and finally to sort out selling my old car and coming home to dinner, baths etc.
Until the day of my interview, I definitely hadn’t got my hopes up about the job. At first, as I said, I was convinced there were far too many other people interested, all of which had more experience (I presumed). Even when I got the invite to a second interview, I was sure several people would be trying out. However when I got to the shift I found out it was just me that day and one other person the following day. It was between the two of us. I tried hard not to get my hopes up but as I left that day, the lady who I knew was deciding, told me I’d done really well, seemed to fit in perfectly and although she couldn’t make a decision until after seeing the other person… [a pause] she’d call me on Friday. I went home feeling great, now just a little hopeful that this job could be mine. I held my breath through Thursday, especially once I found out a reference had been requested for me. I felt a little sick throughout Friday, but I waited patiently, first for the sensible time in the morning I might get a call, then after lunch (the busy part of her day when she definitely wouldn’t call) and then even till the end of the day. Nothing. But even then I kept optimistic. Perhaps they were struggling to decide. I would have to wait over the weekend now.
That was okay though. The weekend was daunting in itself. I mentioned a minute ago about helping my mum at my sisters house, well that’s a whole story in itself. The short version however is that my sister has been taken in to residential care and so the flat she was living in has to be cleared and sorted out. Originally the flat belonged to my brother, then he moved somewhere else and my sister moved in. A lot of his stuff remained there though, as it was a two bedroom flat and only she was living there. Anyway this weekend we sorted out a storage container and had the fun task of tipping, tidying, storing and moving everything large from the flat, my house, or my brother’s new house. Friday night a mutual friend of mine and my brothers came for dinner, along with my brother. They both stayed overnight so we could make a start early on Saturday. We began at 9am when we went for the van and didn’t stop till 5pm. My partner helped for some of the day, but he also had work. By the time we finished, we decided on take away and alcohol. I drank more that night than I have in a while and we rocked out to Rock Band on Xbox until 4am.
The next morning I woke up feeling a little rough. No hangover as such but a very queasy stomach. I spent an hour trying to be sick, just to get the feeling gone. Eventually I was sick and then I felt much better. Unfortunately a headache kicked in but a couple of paracetamol and a cup of tea and I was ready to go. We then spent majority of that day, taking furniture over to my brother’s new house and doing another tip run with crap furniture from that end. We had lunch at McDonalds before I headed back to get the kids.
I definitely feel much more precious about my time with the kids now. I don’t see them any less than I did before I worked, but I feel like I do. I suppose some of it is knowing in school holidays I will see them less and as such weekends are so much more valuable. Anyway it meant that in total I only saw the kids for about 4-5 hours in the whole weekend, which definitely bummed me out a bit.
That leads me on to today, where I had my fingers firmly crossed for finally getting the phone call about my job. It didn’t come. I’m left feeling upset, disappointed, even angry (because seriously, isn’t it just the decent thing to call someone and tell them even if they DIDN’T get the job?!) I’ve spent most of the afternoon and evening feeling pretty down over it. A lot of other things connected to what would happen if I did get the job and now I’m back to feeling like life is up in the air.
I wasn’t really going to blog about this, unless I got the job. I suppose no one likes to advertise their failures. However all this has just been so on my shoulders all week, I felt like I needed to get it out. I’ve just had a long chat with my partner, some nonsense about how maybe all this is for the best and that something better is around the corner etc. and while I don’t necessarily believe it, I do feel a little better. For now I’m just going to focus on the current time, appreciate the job I do have and how nice the people are, how flexible the job is and so on. The rest will still all need sorting but at least for the rest of today, I need to let all other worries just go.