Today is my birthday and as such my choice not to blog. Sadly it’s not been the best of days but perhaps I’ll update about that another time. For now I just want to see an end to today but I will say thank you to the friends and family who have made today at least have positives.
This morning I got up and I had absolutely no inspiration for this post. I don’t really have any secret talents – in fact I don’t really have many talents at all. My usual go to for a party piece is opening a beer bottle with my teeth, but again – not really a talent.
Aside from considering myself a good mother, I suppose I can appreciate my ability to organise. Not all things mind you, but certainly people, events, get togethers and so on. I try to make things special for people, I try to do anything I can to make a specific event special for the people or person involved.
Given the day I’ve had, this post has taken an unusual turn, but since I can’t focus at all on anything positive right now, I thought I may as well get out how I’m feeling. I truly hope that no one who reads it is upset or offended by anything I’ve said – as its nothing personal, just the way I’m feeling.
Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be thirty four. It is the first birthday I have spent with my current partner, though we have been together for seven months. We have already shared his birthday together in March. I’m trying not to compare everything I did for his birthday, in the reverse of him for me.
Its been a crazy few weeks, what with the usual life stuff, the new job, ending the old job and now the beginning of school holidays. Not only that but my brother and I have spent weeks writing a murder mystery especially for my party on Friday and of course on top of that organising food, decorations and my outfit. Today, like several other days this week, my partner and I have been over to his house to decorate. My back is aching, I’ve let the girls spend the day with mum instead of me and although we’ve come home to do a pamper evening together I feel bad tempered (and under it all sad that I only have about 2 more days with them in the whole of half term). On top of that, I’ve spent all day feeling like no one really gives a crap that its my birthday tomorrow.
I know it shouldn’t matter. Certainly not by thirty four. Even I don’t really care that much about it – or perhaps that’s just what I tell people. Tomorrow we are catching the train to Meadowhall (the train rather than me driving, so I can converse and not just play taxi – my idea) so that the girls can spend their Disney Store vouchers and so we can all go to TGI Friday’s for dinner. It was my idea and I don’t mind that most of the day is for their benefit, I’m genuinely happy when they’re happy. Other ideas had consisted of a trip to Legoland so as you can see my general go to is for their pleasure anyway.
Yesterday the girls and Chris baked a cake. A cake I had suggested maybe he would make with them. A cake I had offered to buy the ingredients for. A cake I had organised a spot in the day for. A cake that did get baked yesterday, but then sat on the cooling rack until we went to bed last night and I had to put in a box. A cake that hasn’t been touched all day. A cake I’ve had to ask a couple of times if its getting a filling or topping. A cake that Chris is now in the kitchen doing something to as I’ve ended up in tears.
Perhaps it sounds selfish, maybe I am. But having already had to remind him about buying a birthday card this morning. Then asking if he had any wrapping paper. I’m beginning to just feel a little like no one cares. Is it just because I put SO much effort into everyone else’s birthdays? Am I expecting too much?
On top of all this, I know what the majority of my presents are. Again this is nothing more than self pity right now (but unfortunately that’s how I feel) but I know almost everything I’m getting tomorrow too. My mum already gave me some money towards my Matchbox Twenty trip in April as my gift. My brother bought me a board game when we were in London, the same time in April. The girls have had their gift bought by their dad, a shopping trip whereby I had requested what I would like. Chris has bought me a few things I believe – some of which haven’t arrived in the post, others which have arrived broken. On top of that, I’m the one having to tell him he should write and complain about the lack of arrival and of the broken stuff.
I know some of it I should probably just let go. They’re not me. I don’t expect them to go to the same effort I go to. However at the same time this seems so completely the opposite way in that no one even cared enough to decorate my cake… its just a one piece chocolate sponge right now.
How this is connected to my special talent post I’m not really sure. Let’s face it, it probably isn’t at all. I guess its just that I love putting my absolute everything, into pretty much everything I do. I find it so hard when others don’t do the same. On this occasion, a birthday which I always claim doesn’t matter, I have just ended up feeling so disappointed about.
I do appreciate that people tried to throw me a surprise party and it didn’t work out.
I do appreciate that Chris is now running around, making me dinner, bringing me a glass of wine and topping my cake right now.
I know that everyone cares enough to have bought me presents at all, to be coming to my murder mystery and some to even be making a specific visit on my birthday.
But right now I just can’t see past the fact that everything seems to have only happened with a push.
Dinner party time – Who would you invite? What music is playing? What are you eating? Is there entertainment? Let your imagination go wild!
In all honesty, my imagination is completely used up today. My brother and I have finally completed the planning of my 11 person murder mystery, for which we are performing on Friday. My brain is fried and my imagination has definitely dried up. As such I’m afraid this is going to be a very weak post.
I’ve never really had an answer to questions like this. I’d love to impress you all with my “Obama, Gandhi, Muhammad Ali” etc.etc. list. But that’s just not me. People I’d really love to meet are as follows: Wil Wheaton (I’m a big board game geek and he’s currently my hero), Robert Downey Jr (my god this man is so sexy… and old… but so what, sexy!), Chris Pine AND Chris Hemsworth… hell Liam Hemsworth too (I like good looking men, what can you do?), Will Smith (I’m sorry but he’s just totally awesome and if you haven’t already checked this out, then you should), Bradley Cooper (again… hot!), Johnny Deep (he’s pretty cute and I imagine incredibly funny), Anthony Hopkins (no explanation needed, he’s a legend), Olly Murs (considered to be the most obtainable from this whole list, cute and also he can sing and seems to have a good sense of humour) and David Beckham (he’s cute and he did a lot for the UK for the Olympics). And okay, so this list is sort of shallow and some are more serious than others, but its just an off the top of my head sort of a list.
Obviously all the above are men and deliberately so. If there were other women there then the limelight might not be one me… ;) However there are a load of awesome women I would love to meet like JK Rowling, Jennifer Lawrence, Emma Stone, Anne Hathaway, Helena Bonham-Carter, Jennifer Lopez and more…
I really can’t even begin to think about food or music or anything like that. I don’t know if I would spend the evening in total awe of them all or if I’d manage to play it cool. I’d be happy just to meet any or all of them for an autograph to be honest.
That said, my best dinner parties ever? The ones I already have with friends. Our core group of about ten people who get together once every couple of months – for a dinner party or even just games night – they are my ideal guests.
I am super super busy today, in fact probably every day this week, so I’m going to try and get these out of the way earlier rather than later! I hate feeling like this BEDM challenge is a hassle, but honestly some days I’m just like “arghhhh I still have to write my blog!”. Also I’m massively sorry that I haven’t even really been reading people’s blogs recently, let alone commenting. But I’ll hopefully catch up soon.
What are your top 5 favourite albums and why?
This topic is once again a tricky one for me. I love all sorts of music and all sorts of genre. Its rare that I take a liking to a particular artist, but instead usually judge each song individual. I actually find it sort of frustrating when people ask what kind of music I’m into, as I just have such a varied interest – but at the same time can hate something you might assume I love.
As such I’m sort of editing this music love post.
Michael Jackson’s History album – love him or hate him, very few will deny that he made good music. This album was the very first album I ever bought. I remember saving up week after week to buy it, till finally I had enough. It was purchased for a Woolworths store in Louth, the town I lived in at the time. I actually still have this CD, one of the very few.
Raggajam – Ragga album. I don’t really remember how old I was, but I do remember where I lived at the time so I would estimate between 16 and 18 years old, but I was bought a “boombox” for my birthday. My brother who is 3 years younger than me, bought me this CD. It was from the local co-op, I think it cost about £2.99 and I absolutely loved it. The cd rarely even left my CD player and again I still have this album now.
Lifehouse’s No Name Face album – I first became aware of this album when I was around 19 or 20 I think. A boy I had met on the internet called Jeff (Wsomething I can no longer spell) told me about a song called “Hanging by a Moment”. After having it on repeat day after day for several days (as we did at that age), I soon loved the song. I also loved one called “Breathing” from this album too. Every mix tape, or mix CD as it was then, ended up featuring this “Hanging by a Moment” song. Anyone I met, I told them about this song. Anyone asked what my favourite song was, that was my answer. Again I still have this album and both Lifehouse and this album are still my favourites. The band aren’t really that well known in this country but have toured a couple of times. I was lucky enough to attend their Smoke and Mirrors tour (their new album) and they were amazing.
Darius’ Dive In album – I’m sorry. I know. I can even imagine the way you’re all looking at me… but I liked him, okay? Not when he was originally on our screens for Popstars, but instead when he got through in Pop Idol. I loved his first song Colourblind and I bought this album on the first day it was released. I have memories with at least two ex-boyfriends and this album – not to mention after crushing on Darius for years and years, I did finally get to meet him a couple of years ago. I had my picture taken with him and he signed my programme (we’d gone to see him in his Big Bands tour) and within moments of getting home my crush was over. I’ve never looked back since. Still, some amazingly good memories.
Wicked – The Musical album. I love musicals. Not gonna lie. My favourite by far is Phantom of the Opera, but I have seen so many over my life and I’m so glad to have had to opportunity. Wicked was something me and Amy bonded over in the early days of our friendship. We both liked musicals, we both loved Wizard of Oz, we both liked Idina Menzel (who was coming over to the UK to play Elphaba for the first year) and we planned to see it together in London. Amy bought me this album for my birthday one year, I would guess about eight years ago. I listened to it, loved it and couldn’t wait to see the musical. It took us about 3-4 years I think, before we finally got around to it, but we did go. I have been twice since as well and would happily go again. Amy and I also dressed up as Elphaba and Glinda for fancy dress once. Wicked is probably my second favourite musical of all time, but definitely my most watched.
These are more like 5 albums that mean something to me, rather than my five favourite. If you are a regular reader of my blog you will also know I consider Matchbox Twenty to be my favourite band of all time. I genuinely think my life would be very lacking if it didn’t have music in it. I love singing, I love dancing, I love fooling around with the kids. My iphone, ipad and laptop are all packed full of music and I would be lost without it. I don’t think it matters what you’re into or why, just so long as you enjoy it. This post has actually been a very fond trip down memory lane.
Gosh the prompts for BEDM are uninspiring me at the moment! Today’s is – what’s in your fridge. As such I have literally photographed the contents of my fridge – which is sadly unexciting.
The door of my fridge is just as unexciting. Top shelf consists of cheese! There is sliced cheese, Cathedral City cheese and Babybel. Next shelf is mint sauce, lemon juice, sour cream, American mustard, HP brown sauce and Heinz tomato ketchup. Finally there is a bottle of Baileys (been sat there for ages), half a bottle of Rosé wine and the remnants of a bottle of milk.
Poor sad lonely fridge…
Some of you might well have heard about this and its not something I really want to go into much as the whole thing is horrific. However basically in London yesterday, a British soldier was mowed down by a car, then attacked in broad daylight (around 2.30pm) resulting in his death. It was two men who performed the attack, with knifes and cleavers, literally hacking this person apart on the street. They insisted on being filmed and photographed by the passing public – while many of the public actually even walked by without realising what was going on. It took place outside and army barracks, but also virtually outside a primary school. It really is one of the most disgusting acts I’ve seen or heard about in our country.
However the biggest shock of all today, was to find out one of the people involved actually came from the very quiet and idyllic village that I live in. Admittebly not originally born here etc. but having lived here since 2004. The police and reporters have literally swarmed the village today and school even sent out a message that children shouldn’t walk home alone today.
More can be read here:
Edit: Also to add to this post, the house he lived in (shown on the link above) was on the same road I actually used to live on 2 years ago. We literally lived about six houses away on the opposite corner of the road.
Today’s BEDM is about compliments – the best compliment you have received.
I genuinely have no idea what to post about here.
I’m not great at taking compliments, I smile and say thanks, or joke it off. I appreciate compliments of course, as we all do, but certainly from a relationship stand point, they’ve usually been very lacking. I can’t really remember the nicest compliment I have ever received – either because I’ve received a lot, or because they aren’t things I really hold on to. I’m not ungrateful, but I suppose nothing has really stayed with me enough to spring straight to mind. I am very happy with the person I am and I know the people who like me, like me for me – along with whatever attributes I might get complimented on. I don’t get too precious about what people actually say, because I know that sometimes people just think it and that’s all that matters.
To me, my biggest compliment is my children. As possibly a slightly biased mother, I think my kids are amazing. They are two of the brightest, funniest, well-spoken, polite, friendly (so on and so on) little girls that you will ever meet. They are literally the joy of my life and just looking at those girls and knowing they came from me and were brought up by me, is honestly the biggest compliment I could receive. If I never achieve anything in life, if I never make my dream job, or win the lottery – I will eternally be proud that I made and raised those two little girls.
|Yesterday’s School Sports Day – where the girls made me so proud!
Lily who raced in everything, sometimes coming last but with a huge smile on her face
Megan who was a Sports Day Official Helper and is now in Shine assembly for it tomorrow
From what I’ve seen, most people have done this as a letter to your 13 year old self. I’m not going to. This isn’t meant to be at all offensive to anyone but having read my friends 16 year old self post (along with a few others at the time) and having had a conversation amoung friends about a similar letter for an 18 year old self, I think I’d just find it all a little too cliché. There has been happiness and there has been sadness but that’s life.
The topic is technically “if I could talk to my 13 year old self, what would you say?”
I could show my massively geeky side by waffling on about glitches in the space-time continuum, or creating a paradox or any other nonsense. But its not really that.
While still a little cliché, I genuinely believe that every single little thing that has happened in my life, has brought me to this point. Would I change things? Of course. But technically one small change in my past, could cause a million changes in my future. I could end up without my two daughters for a start – a thought I find unbearable. Of course I could be married to a millionaire, look like a supermodel and have my Dream Job (see yesterday’s post… j/k).
Life may not be perfect, I might want to change a hundred things in my past, present or future, but I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t dare risk altering some of the amazingly great things that have happened to me, the family I have, the friends I’ve made and so on. I control my future… to some extent at least. While I often feel old, I know I’m only 33 (nearly 34) and I have plenty of time to sort out the issues in my life.
What would I say to my 13 year old self? The same thing I would say to most people, to myself even now some days.
Live it. Love it. Hate it. Deal with it. Suck it up. That’s life…
As my kids often tell me, “that’s not fair, Mummy” and as I often reply “life isn’t fair, may as well learn it now”. Things happen. Shit happens. Whether or not you believe things happen for a reason, life certainly just happens. Take control of it, or don’t. Only you can decide. Life is there for the living. No-one gets out alive.
“If you could do anything in the world to make a living what would it be?”
In this day and age, many people are just grateful to have a job – let alone their dream job. We have so many restraints with money, location, children, time and so forth, that a job which suits just one or two of these factors is sometimes all we can wish for. I could list millions of jobs I would love to do, but is a Dream Job a job only realistic in your dreams, or a job you dream of one day having?
When I had children, I knew I was giving up on many of my job options. Not because I have to as such, but because I want to. Now a single mum, my options are even more limited. I will never be some high-powered lawyer, a super-model, an actress living in NY etc etc. Not all of those are attributed to the children mind you (the supermodel thing is definitely solely on me!) but even if I aspired to be those things, I wouldn’t follow them now because of the life I want with my children. I choose to be home when they are, I choose not to put them in childcare, I choose to be there mum whenever they are free (outside of school time).
I know that ultimately I want to be self-employed. Some people are born to be self-employed, others prefer to work for others and not worry about the stress of your own business. I want to be my own boss, be in charge of my own life and job, say what I do and when. Its nothing about being lazy or working from home, its just about it being my own little stamp on the world. My small mark, doing something I want to do.
There are a lot of things I would happily do. Something connected to the internet – I once wanted to make my site www.Deckleswood.com a full time occupation. Something connected to computers, games etc. – a high street/online shop, retail focused. Something connected to murder mysteries or fancy dress – my friend and I joked about opening a Fancy Dress exchange online shop once. Something connected to organising – perhaps Wedding planning or on a wider horizon, Event Planning.
Everything takes both time and money though and it isn’t always easy to decide on one direction over another. Give me a lottery win and I might be able to tell you my dream job. Till then I’ll try to be happy with a job that suits my life and pays an average wage. One day I’ll hopefully be doing Something I love, Something I’m good at and Something someone will pay me to do!
As I mentioned last night, I’m going to write my Newsflash BEDM today, since I have far more time (and a little more inclination). I’ll be honest and say that I’m not really one to watch or read the news. I’m not oblivious to what goes on in the world, largely due to my Facebook and Twitter feed – but I don’t go out of my way to find out what’s going on. Mostly… the news is depressing.
However yesterday my partner mentioned something he’d seen about Eurovision. I joked I would do my newsflash BEDM about it, but when I came to google the news last night, it was actually one of the things that came up. I don’t want to touch on anything serious or depressing, so I only looked at Entertainment news anyway!
On Saturday night, I watched Eurovision. A group of friends and I are always saying we should have a Eurovision party and every year we forget. In fact I didn’t even know it was Eurovision day until that morning when someone mentioned it. Instead of getting together in person though, we ended up online together, discussing each song as it was on and rating out of five each. Its a lot of fun and I’d almost say its becoming a tradition! Now don’t get me wrong, we all watch it very tongue in cheek. The Eurovision is cheesy, but that’s exactly what we love about it. Also it baffles me how anyone thinks the UK ever stands a chance, when the whole show is far more about political voting, than it is about singing. That said, even if it was a singing competition, this year we definitely wouldn’t have won anyway…. poor Bonnie.
So when I spotted this following article, I have to admit I was a little bemused. (Article here)
Eurovision: Azerbaijan probes Russian ‘nul points’
Basically the general jist of the article is Russia awarded Azerbaijan the maximum 12 points where as Azerbaijan didn’t award any to Russia. The president himself is having an inquest as to why this was, especially given that so many people generally and on the Eurovision board, seemed very pro Russia’s entry.
From the way it reads, it basically confirms everything people believe about the competition being political instead of talent. The Azerbaijan present is worried that Russia will read something into their lack of points and perhaps be offended… or worse?
“We sincerely hope that this incident, possibly initiated by certain interest groups, will not cast a shadow over the brotherly relations of the Russian and Azerbaijani peoples,” he said, without elaborating.
Did Azerbaijan fall foul to technology and the text votes it claims its people made, not actually count? (we’ve heard that excuse in the UK many times before). Was it some sort of ploy from an interest group, to make sure Russia didn’t get any points? Or did the Azerbaijan people genuinely just not like the Russian entry?
In our rankings, Azerbaijan came joint second – along with Malta. Russia came third. Our top score was Greece. Do these countries get votes because of singing, or to keep the peace?
Till next year’s Eurovision… (when we will be having a party!!)