I want to start this post by saying that this whole event was definitely not suitable for children and this post is possibly not safe for work!
For my birthday Murder Mystery, I hosted “Natural Porn Killers” a Pirate Porno themed game. We were kindly gifted this game, from a company called Merry Murder. We had previously done their “Pungent Pumpkin Poisoner” (which is free to download by the way!) and thoroughly enjoyed it, so we were thrilled to try something else.
As it was my birthday, and therefore needed to be awesome, I was excited at the thought of dressing up like pirates. We had done it once before, almost two years ago, and I was ready to crack out my knee-high boots and pirate hat again! Not only that, but we got to dress like sexy pirates (read: slutty probably). I immediate began to plan, wanting everything to be perfect!
I’m afraid the menu for the evening was fairly foul. Not that the food was bad, but sadly my crude imagination meant that naming everything was definitely a bit gross!
For starters we had Potato Four Skins (say it out loud and you’ll get it…). Basically four potato skins.
For mains I had bought some penis and boob pasta. Sadly it didn’t really keep its shape when it was cooked, but it tasted great. As the dish was boobs and penis together, the only thing that sprang to mind was a Tit Wank (sorry!!) and that lead to me placing it in a white sauce… hence mains was Tit Wank Pasta!
As well as that, we had a Tear and Share “Orgy” Garlic Bread, along with “Tossed” salad.
Finally, for dessert we had Blue Waffle (please don’t google this, don’t look and you’ll be happier that way!). Sadly its a joke that has been amoungst our friend group for a very long time and it was too funny to resist. Luckily the dessert was a lot nicer than it sounded.
As I’d originally planned to do “Naked Porncorn” for dessert, I still kept that there as a sort of after dessert option. I basically made plain popcorn and had salt options on the table, such as Bacon Salt, Tomato Ketchup Salt, Jalapeno Salt etc.
Not only that, but one of my best friends (Nat) made me a cake. Well technically she made me two cakes. In fact if you want to know more, you can view her post on Twice the Mum, where she discusses the cakes she made! However I did get a couple of pictures, of both my Boobs Cake and my Penis Cake!
On top of that I had made everyone “Sex on the Beach” cocktail for arrival, complete with penis straw and penis ice cube! Pirate decorations were easy to pick up (and we had some from before) as its technically a theme for children’s parties – haha! We had treasure chest napkins and pink pirate plates. There was a huge pirate flag hung on the wall, pirate bunting and even a seagull and parrot hanging from the ceiling!
It’s all the little details that really make the evening for me! Even though I know majority of people who attend don’t even notice, I like it and it makes me happy!
Anyway, the murder mystery itself was split into three rounds. My partner Chris took the role of Lieutenant Gulp, while another 6 of us took the roles of cast members from the current movie, Pleasure Island. I was Saggia Boobflesh, Amy was Frances Heaven, Nat was Wander Whoppers, Chris (my brother) was Rod Shafter, Adam was Bang Yurasov and our other friend Chris was Willy Droop. Our other friends, Erika and Tom, made up the Investigation panel along with my partner Chris who was in charge of the investigation!
With each round, we ate another course of the meal. There was a lot of information given – way more than some of the other Murder Mysteries we’ve done, but it was good and you always felt like you were in the know! Better yet, the host (or whoever is playing the Lieutenant) has flow charts for each round, making it much easier to keep track of who still needs to speak; reveal or ask something.
I adored my part and didn’t care one bit that I was some has-been porn star with saggy boobs! It was so much fun to dress up like pirates – not to mention we’re such a filthy minded group, that the porn element just made it all hilarious.
Natural Porn Killers was an absolute riot to play and I would strongly recommend it to anyone. Make sure you allow plenty of time though as the thoroughness of it all, means that the actual game is much longer than some of the more standard box set versions.
Thank you so much to Tim for letting us do this game and thank you to my amazing friends who made all aspects of my birthday amazing. I promise this is the last post about my birthday now but if you want to see the others they are “Part 1 – The Day Itself and Gifts” and “Part 2 – Harry Potter Studio Tours“. If you’d like to look through the rest of our murder mystery pictures from that evening, you can find them here!