Journeys Are My Diary

Life, Adventures, Entertainment and more - A little bit of everything blog!

Happy 9th Birthday Lily

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Just a quick update from me today and I also know I’m yet to do my February Round-up. However I couldn’t let today go by without wishing my youngest daughter Lily, a Happy Birthday. We’ve had a lovely day that’s involved opening presents, muffins for breakfast, building Lego, eating at Pizza Hut for lunch, catching up with family and then chilling out. I’m actually quite sad the day is over but I think some of that is knowing tomorrow is Monday and the school run begins again!

So once again, Happy 9th Birthday Lily. I can’t believe how much you’ve grown and what a beautiful, funny and smart girl you’re growing up to be.

Thinking About Divorce (and other life changing decisions)

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I got married in 2005, on Valentine’s Day. It was actually my second marriage, I had been married and divorced once before. Having an experienced family lawyer or divorce lawyer by your side really makes a difference when you’re going through something as stressful as divorce. Anyway, I met (ex) Chris in the Summer of 2003 and within a few short months we were engaged. We went on our first holiday together in Oct/Nov 2003. I found out I was pregnant with our first child in April 2004 and Megan was born in December 2004. It was never really smooth sailing, though we definitely had better times and worse times.

I’m not proud of it, but I actually had an affair – though we were going through a separation at the time – and after a couple of months apart, we tried again. In 2007 I fell pregnant with our second daughter and during that pregnancy, Chris had an affair. The family lawyers in Southfield, MI say that it was something that was incredibly hard for them. As I was torn with feeling like I deserved it for doing it to him, versus the fact I was actually pregnant and we had sorted things out. However again we moved on from it and Lily was born in March 2008.

In lots of ways, and in hindsight of course, I feel like we never really recovered from the second blip. However, there were a lot of other issues within our relationship that make me wonder how we even lasted that long. In the end, I decided to find a lawyer near me here and we separated on fairly reasonable terms. We both consider it to be a mutual decision, though I know I was the one finally pushing for it to happen. We split up almost exactly 7 years from the time we first met. This is almost exactly 4 years ago from now. If you’re in a situation that makes divorce seem like the only option left, I would advise you to speak to divorce lawyers so they can help you prepare for the whole process. On the other hand, there are family law experts that may be able to offer less aggressive alternatives that you may have never thought of.

I spent a little over 2 years as a single mum. From Summer 2010 till October 2012. That’s when I met my current partner, another Chris.

I was very clear, when Chris and I got together, that I had no interest in getting re-married again. I’d done it twice before and I had no desire to do it again. However for the first time in two years, it felt weird to still be married, even though I was separated. Chris has been really good about it and so I suppose I’ve been in no rush to do anything about it. But as time goes on, more and more I know that I really want to get divorced. My ex now has a girlfriend himself. I half expect him to bring up legal separation too.

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When I was single, I realized that I didn’t always want to be single. I hoped that one day I would find someone to love again. And though I knew I didn’t want to get married again, I dreamed of the perfect proposal. It became dubbed as the “un-proposal”, which would be done by a man who knew me well enough to know I didn’t want to be married, but wanted to show their commitment to me anyway. He would get down on one knee, in front of the Eiffel Tower in Paris. He would tell me how much he loves me and say that although he knew I didn’t want to be married, he wanted to propose… and spend the rest of his life with me.

Divorce can mean different things to different people. It can be the end of years of partnership, but it can also be the beginning of another chapter. Whatever your goals are or the reasons behind filing for divorce, make sure that you do it with the help of an accomplished divorce lawyer.

Perhaps divorce is on my mind a lot at the moment, because for the first time ever I’ll be visiting Paris in October, with Chris. Perhaps that’s only one of the reasons though. In all honesty, I would actually consider getting married again. I wouldn’t do it easily. I would have to consider all the pros and cons, but I still want to know that I’m loved and that I’m wanted. I need a life commitment. I’d love a Happily Ever After. In the next few months I really want to move forward with my life. I’d like to get a divorce to begin with, so I’ve already started looking for a divorce lawyer to help me with that. After that well, we’ll just have to see what life brings I suppose.

February 14th… bleck!

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So despite having a partner on Valentine’s Day, I still can’t say its a day that I especially look forward to. For a start I always considered it to be an overly commercialised holiday anyway, and secondly it seems like a day geared for disappointment. How much do you spend on each other, what do you get, how much trouble do you go to in order to make the day special etc. etc.? This last point is highlighted for me this year in that despite not caring for the day, I’m upset my partner has to work 8am to 10pm, thus not giving us any time together! Irony much?

Anyway I’m definitely used to spending this day by myself, having been single for the last 2 of them and even before then having a husband who always had to work it (hospitality and catering is a bugger for that). Also I suppose on top of all that, doesn’t help that it is also my wedding anniversary today (with my ex of course) so its not exactly a day for celebrations and proclamations of love. You might catch yourself going “awww” at the fact my wedding day was Valentine’s Day originally, but honestly it wasn’t really that romantic. My husband (my ex) and I were just opening up a brand new restaurant, in a small town, and Feb 14th was available at the registry office. It was suggested that we could combine getting married and promoting our wedding – having the radio and newspaper there to document it. Doesn’t sound like much of a story I know, but for a little town they seemed to find it sweet that a couple opening a new restaurant were getting married in the morning and then serving 100 customers a Valentine’s meal in the evening. Anyway on a plus side I do have newspaper clippings and a radio recording of our wedding, though now we’re separated I suppose that means less.

Hmmm anyway, enough with the musings, there was a point to my post today. Oh yes! Valentine’s Day lol. Though I do think its overhyped and I do have issues with the day itself, I also think it IS a good day for telling the people around you that they’re important to you – the ones you love. For the last two years (and even before that really), the only people I’ve had around to love have been my children. They love Valentine’s Day. I think some of that is because I’ve always bought them a small gift on the day, usually some tacky cuddly toy that says “I love you” in some form or another, but also because at nursery and at school, they always seem to get them to make cards for mummy and/or daddy. I’ve always considered this to be sweet as like I said before, I consider it a day to share love with everyone, not just a partner.

Yesterday the kids had a lovely sweet idea for Valentine’s Day, for my partner. As I said, he’s working 8am till 10pm today and the kids think that’s sad for him. Having already asked the girls to be my Valentine’s dates today (we’re making heart shaped pizzas for dinner and eating by candlelight apparently) they’ve decided they want to try and make it special for my partner too. My youngest daughter Lily, decided that she is going to make him a card when she gets home from school today and my eldest daughter Megan, decided we should make him a heart shaped pizza for when he gets home tonight. It has also since been decided that we’re making him cakes and cookies – and last minute as I was driving the kids to school this morning, apparently we’re now also making decorations.

Anyway the long and short of this post is that despite the day being something it shouldn’t be – so far as bought cards, bunches of expensive roses, huge boxes of chocolates and so forth – the day does at least inspire love from all places. The fact that the day makes people WANT to do something special, is the part I agree with. Not the fact that we feel obligated to.

The only two people guaranteed to be in my heart every Valentine’s Day <3